Introspection

 

 
There's always something swishing around in my brain, but I've been feeling more introspective than usual recently.  I've been told that I am one of those "can't see the forest for the trees" kind of people.  I can't help it -- I love details.  Just the way I'm wired.  I can see the forest when I really want to but it's just not as fun.  ha

Getting to the point...what do I want?  where do I want to be?  This year has been umm..interesting.  Work was just odd and stressful in ways that I can't even get into.  Grad school took up every day of almost every week from the start of school to the finish.  There were a lot of other changes that have and are ongoing too.  I tend to lose my focus when there's so much going on and I'm stressed.  I guess that's natural, but I forget to stop, reflect, and examine..and that's not working for me.

I need to meditate regularly.  Let me stop for a minute and say that the thing that bugs me the most about where I live is the lack of diversity, especially in thought.  I keep a lot of my thoughts, beliefs, and experiences to myself because I am not in the norm here and am very much a live and let live kind of person.  Some people aren't, and I don't feel like dealing with them if I talk about something that pings on their radar.  It's just hard to find like-minded people here.  My point with this is that in the past that when I've held it in, I let some of my practices (like meditation) fade.

Anyway, my goal is to start meditating every day again to help with clarity and being grounded.  I graduate at the end of this coming summer, and I don't want to receive my diploma and then think What next?  I want to know, have a plan.  A good plan, in a not so great situation, makes me feel better...at least I can look forward to exciting things in the future.  I so adore my friends and will miss them terribly, but I need to start really thinking and planning where I want to go and when.  I have a short list of cities that I'm thinking about.  I need to go on road trips to really check them out.  I need to save money for said road trips.  Heck, I need a budget for all this in general.  I can be so airy fairy, gah.  See, I really do need to be more grounded!

I'll stop here.  If I keep rolling with it, it tends to bum me out.

Promise the next post won't be so heavy.  Maybe I can find you guys some talking cats or other such silliness. ha!